Ripple Effect Continued

Some of this is redundant for those of you who haven't been able to keep up. So, I've done a bit of a recap along with the most current updates on my situation and conditions.

It does get to be a little bit long, but it should go by very quickly. As always thank you so much for your inquiries as to how I've been doing, as well as for your wonderful words of support and encouragement.

If you're ever stuck for what to say, cat pictures, cat videos, and music are always helpful! Please stay away from anything sports-related.  Those of you who know me know I work for an online sports broadcasting company even though I don't like sports... Shocker! Lol!

More on that one of these days. Meanwhile, here's a fun update. It's not really "fun" but I have to inject some humor in the ludicrousness of what I've been dealing with these last 3 weeks.

Monday, January 15th, I started a new medication to help me function with all my chronic pain issues. I was very nervous because this change was something that was because of an insurance company decision and not my or my doctor's decision.

The goal is to be functional and while I will never be pain free I do expect a level of management that I can cope with. Functional means the ability to get out of the bed, take care of myself, work from home, and manage my household. ... You know, just be busy, like normal people!

You can find the details from the very beginning here.

WEEK ONE
1/15 Monday's symptoms weren't too bad. My pain was being managed but I slept through a lot of it. That was to be expected. I was nervous mostly about allergic reactions but I didn't have any of those, thank goodness!

1/16 Tuesday, I did okay. The fogginess and grogginess lifted. I still didn't feel quite like myself but the pain was still very manageable! For the first time in a long time I started to have hope and fantasize about a brighter future.

1/ 17 Bring on Wednesday. I hardly slept the night before and I could hardly wait to take my next dose hoping beyond all hope that I could get on top of the devastation the monster truck that hit me during the night had left behind.

All day Wednesday, all night Wednesday I thought I was losing my mind, the pain had escalated off the charts.

Normally, I can cope with pain. It's been with me long enough so I know how to deal with it.

However, this pain, I don't know what to do with it... It is kicking my ass.

1/18 Thursday morning I couldn't bear it anymore so I called in to my doctor's office. I am not one of these people who calls for every little thing. But I knew that if I did not call, I would have ended up in the emergency room.

They gave me permission to take another rescue instant release medication. I had outlined day by day pretty much like I've done here what was going on and my inability to function.

I so desperately wanted Tuesday back.

1/19 Friday morning rolls around I feel exactly the same... no sleep, run over by a monster truck or two or three.

I decided to tough it out.
I can do this over the weekend...
I kept telling myself. 

1/20 Saturday, I was kicking myself hard for not calling on Friday.

Reevaluating my badassness. 

1/21 Sunday morning, followed by another night of little to no sleep and facing another day and another night of nothing but a constant wall of pain, I was beginning to waiver in my resolve.

I don't want to sound like Debbie Downer but I don't think I can do another week of this because... while I'm very good at putting on a brave face for everyone around me, I am struggling just to cope with sitting up & breathing.

WEEK TWO
1/22 Monday morning couldn't get here fast enough. I'm waiting on a call back from my doctor. Hopefully, with good news.

I can think of little else other than how this pain could break me if it goes on much longer.

Last week was hard & I can't imagine another week like this. This pain must be managed. I need to live and not just exist.

Finally! They DID call back and thank goodness they are going to adjust my treatment!!!

1/23 Tuesday even with the increase, it was rocky, but I kept telling myself to be optimistic.

1/24 Wednesday, has been ok. I'm not there yet but I still want so badly to be optimistic...

1/25 Thursday, I'm sorry to say that the "ok" did not stick. Sigh.

Week Two became an extended Groundhog's Day from Week One.

Frustrating, but I made it through the weekend. Barely... Again.

All I had to do was get through to see my doctor on Monday...

WEEK THREE
1/29 Monday's doctor's visit and yet another adjustment to my treatment plan. I am glad to have seen my doctor because my excruciating pain is evident in the fact I am unable to sit up in the chair.

It was a real struggle to get to the doctor's office. Every step was excruciating and sitting up should be an an Olympic sport! 

Riding in the car... Not wheeeee but owieee.

But I made it!

The doc and I agreed on some adjustments to my treatment which means more wait and see with a dash of hope. Good old hope!

When a nameless, faceless bureaucrat at the health insurance company makes the medical decisions without ever having met me or my doctor, this is what happens.

There have been a few side effects but those seem to be controlled with good old-fashioned antihistamines. So the trade-off has been a modicum of improvement along with yet another medication for itching. Wheee!

This has not been just an itch, this is the itch itch ITCH where even my eyelids itch. It's not pretty, especially when it happens in the middle of the night and wakes me with what I liken to a bizarre form of comic relief. Only after about 5 minutes it's just not that funny anymore.

The first night this happened, the only thing I had on hand was Benadryl. The first dose did nothing, the second dose knocked me out so hard, I think I drooled into my eye. Upon coming to from my Benadryl Zonk, my eyelid was sealed shut!

I resisted calling into my doctor's office, as this was the first inkling of pain management that I've had in weeks!

If I called, there was always the chance that the relief I was experiencing might be taken away for yet another gambling option.

There's too much at stake here for me to give this up for a little bit of itching. I'm clinging to this droplet of hope like a drowning man at sea clings to a life raft.

As this week has progressed, I have experienced a level of pain management that I had lost hope for...

Of course, in my over zealousness, I overdid it and ended up with one of my more typical and familiar flares from the muscles in my neck being unhappy with me trying to do too much. But with rest (can you ever get too much rest?!) my flare should dissipate soon.

This ends Week 3 of this crazy, unwanted medication change and it's not the least bit delusional to say that I am truly hopeful.

Sometimes I say, "there are better days ahead," just to convince myself...

But this time I think I really mean it! Really!

BRING ON WEEK 4! 

**Couldn't do this without my friends. You all know how much you mean to me, especially during what is possibly one of the worst times of my life. Thank you.
Kind words heal. ** ❤️