The Ripple Effect

Here's a bit of an update. If you haven't read what's going on you can find that  here

Last Monday, a week ago, I changed to a new medication to help me function with all my chronic pain issues, even though the old medication was working.

I was very nervous because this change was something that was because of an insurance company decision and not my or my doctor's decision.

The goal is to be functional and while I will never be pain free I do expect a level of management that I can cope with.

Functional means the ability to get out of the bed, take care of myself, work from home, and manage my household.

Monday's symptoms weren't too bad. My pain was being managed but I slept through a lot of it. That was to be expected. I was nervous mostly about allergic reactions but I didn't have any of those.

Tuesday, I did okay. The fogginess and grogginess lifted. I still didn't feel quite like myself but the pain was still very manageable! For the first time in a long time I started to have hope and fantasize about a brighter future.

In fact, I normally take what is called instant release rescue medication for breakthrough pain and I didn't take any for nearly two days! That was such a positive sign!

Then, bring on Wednesday. I hardly slept the night before and I could hardly wait to take my next dose hoping beyond all hope that I could get on top of the devastation the monster truck that hit me during the night left behind.

All day Wednesday, all night Wednesday I thought I was losing my mind the pain had escalated off the charts.

Normally, I can cope with pain. It's been with me long enough so I know how to deal with it. This pain, I don't know what to do with it. It is kicking my ass.

Thursday morning I couldn't bear it anymore so I called in to my doctor's office. I am not one of these people who calls for every little thing. But I knew that if I did not call I would have ended up in the emergency room.

They gave me permission to take another rescue instant release medication. I had outlined day by day pretty much like I've done here what was going on and my inability to function again.

I so desperately wanted Tuesday back.

Friday morning rolls around I feel exactly the same no sleep, run over by a monster truck or two or three.

I decided to tough it out.
I can do this over the weekend...

Saturday, I was kicking myself hard for not calling on Friday... Reevaluating my badassness.

Sunday morning, followed by another night of little to no sleep and facing another day and another night of nothing but a constant wall of pain I was beginning to waiver in my resolve.

Overall, there are no more medication side effects, but the downside is my pain is no longer being close to controlled.

I don't want to sound like Debbie Downer but I don't think I can do another week of this because ...
while I'm very good at putting on a brave face for everyone around me, I am struggling just to cope with sitting up & breathing.

Monday morning couldn't get here fast enough. I'm waiting on a call back from my doctor. Hopefully, with good news.

I can think of little else other than how this pain could break me if it goes on much longer.

Last week was hard & I can't imagine another week like this.

Fingers crossed, prayers, positive thoughts. This pain must be managed.

P.S. MANY of you have reached out to inquire how I am and to send your encouragement and support. Kind words soothe. THANK YOU! That, in of itself is more helpful than I can ever express.