The Limits of My Superpowers

It's hard to sum up this summer without complaining.  Let me just say, it's been rough.  I've been floating around in a world of limbo.  A world where a sneeze can send me into a crying fit, but crying only makes it worse, so that's not a possibility.  There are ways I could vividly describe the pain, but anyone who has had back pain knows the whoosh of vertigo that flat out refuses to release you from the constant tidal waves of pain.

It's been tough.  It has.  That's not complaining, that's the truth. You wouldn’t know I’m hurting if you’ve seen me this summer. I will fake you out by pretending to feel good.  That is one of my superpowers, but I can’t fake it forever!

Tomorrow, I'm going to the doc to have nerves blocked in my lower back. The procedure is called a medial branch block.  It is a preliminary test to identify the areas affected and how best to treat it long term.   The next step more than likely will be a Radio frequency nerve lesioning.  This is also something I've been through.  I cannot describe it.  If you read up on it, I think you'll understand why.  I'm virtually CERTAIN that the Nazis came up with this particular procedure.

It's not unfamiliar territory, it's just been awhile and who ISN'T a bit squeamish around needles?  After 10+ years of various procedures and surgeries you would think I would just march in and not think twice.  I'd like to think I put on a brave face. There are meds given to help alleviate the pain, but I'm sensitive to all the numbing meds (lidocaine & family). This type of medication has a way of settling throughout my body causing me to experience quite the opposite effect  for which a local anesthetic is intended. Because I have to forgo the pleasantries, so to speak, I am wide awake for everything. I just use biofeedback and concentrate on my breathing.  I'm good as long as I don't scrunch up my face and hold my breath!

This evening, leading up to tomorrow, I'm unable to lean on my friend, ibuprofen.  Just writing it out makes me want to reach for one of those little babies and just say, "Whoops!  My bad!"  But I won't because everything needs to be as angry as possible to determine if the results are because of the shots.  It's going to be another rough night.  But, this too, shall pass.  I am looking ahead past the next few days, past the extra pain I know will come after everything is done because those injections will cause everything to be SUPER PISSED.


…Onward, forward.  I am looking to next week when I can breathe without tearing up and stand up for longer than 5 minutes without keeping a chair within sight. A few more rough days and nights ahead but there is an end in sight.  Just to be perfectly clear, this better help the pain in my ass!

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