What's going round and round in my brain...
"It ain't no thang."
I have no idea why. Maybe I'm attempting to convince myself it's nothing. The nothing that is rip roaring down my leg and searing down both my arms. Does anyone know if it's possible yet to get a spine replaced? I sure would be interested.
My diagnosis is a lovely variety of issues and it's still unknown which came first, but it's also assumed that most of them are hereditary. Degenerative disc disease, degenerative spondylolisthesis, and degenerative spinal stenosis all complimented by an annoying diagnosis of fibromyalgia.
Because of the degenerative nature, it's understood that it won't get better. I've learned to maintain. To tolerate. To live with it. In other words, dealing with it because I have no choice.
More than likely, I'll go to my doctor appointment Tuesday and he will say, "It ain't no thang". Really? Probably not, but I can hope. While I don't want it to be anything, I need SOMETHING to be found that can be addressed.
Laying around doing nothing, watching daytime, summer t.v. is just not FUN. I can't remember the last time I had FUN... but to have fun requires feeling like getting up. Going. Moving. Doing. I just don't FEEL MOTIVATED.
I wanted to write something because I feel so disconnected. All I can think about, if I don't distract myself, is the pain, but it ain't no thang, right?
"It ain't no thang."
I have no idea why. Maybe I'm attempting to convince myself it's nothing. The nothing that is rip roaring down my leg and searing down both my arms. Does anyone know if it's possible yet to get a spine replaced? I sure would be interested.
My diagnosis is a lovely variety of issues and it's still unknown which came first, but it's also assumed that most of them are hereditary. Degenerative disc disease, degenerative spondylolisthesis, and degenerative spinal stenosis all complimented by an annoying diagnosis of fibromyalgia.
Because of the degenerative nature, it's understood that it won't get better. I've learned to maintain. To tolerate. To live with it. In other words, dealing with it because I have no choice.
More than likely, I'll go to my doctor appointment Tuesday and he will say, "It ain't no thang". Really? Probably not, but I can hope. While I don't want it to be anything, I need SOMETHING to be found that can be addressed.
Laying around doing nothing, watching daytime, summer t.v. is just not FUN. I can't remember the last time I had FUN... but to have fun requires feeling like getting up. Going. Moving. Doing. I just don't FEEL MOTIVATED.
I wanted to write something because I feel so disconnected. All I can think about, if I don't distract myself, is the pain, but it ain't no thang, right?
I've had 4 back surgeries..2 of them less than 6 months apart. by the end of it, I was wacked out on pain pills..couldn't tell you my name half the time. pain pills, anti-depressant pills, they had me sooo screwed up..and it seemed the more pain pills I took the worse I hurt. I eventually weened myself off of them. I know it will never get better..I know there are days when I want a shot of whiskey and a bullet to bite on. But I know I now have limitations. After living a life of no limitations..there are just things I can't do. There are things I can do but I know it's going to hurt like a sonofabitch for 3 days afterwards. But I'd rather deal with the pain then the foggy foggy brain. I hope you reach a point where you can deal. Let me know if you need a pep talk or any help..jacque sue.
ReplyDeleteJacque, I'm at the point where the foggy brain is a little less so without all the pain meds. Sometimes it's not worth it as the fibro brings a lovely little side effect called "fibro fog" - - when the brain gets all cloudy because of the pain. Because there is soooo much going on it's difficult to figure out what needs attention first. Argh matey! That's my goal, to get to a point where I can deal with a smile on my face and a sarcastic comment or two! You sure get it Jacque and I'm sorry that you do get it because you're having to go through it. Hang in there. Stick with me, we'll grit our teeth together!
ReplyDeleteI hope ol' Dr. H. can give us some direction on Tuesday; some course of action that will give you some relief AND quiet the fears coursing around your brain. Even if that course of action isn't pleasant, at least it will be an answer on what's going on and what he can do to make you feel better. That's my hope: that he can make you feel better and that he can help you be YOU again! Hang in there, my love!
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